November 7, 2017

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Allison Conchie

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

As each day rolls by, life as you knew it seems like a distant memory. That life full of choice, friendship, the ability to make plans at the drop of a hat and the ability to actually think about the future and make future plans. Now life is, arranging carpools for your children as you are housebound or rushing between doctors appointments and pharmacies. If you are your child’s caregiver trying to meet the needs of being a wife, feeding your family. Same routine day in and day out. Your own needs get lost in amongst the demanding and relentless needs of everyone around you. Trying to keep that brave smile on your face and try as best as you can to be grateful for the “Keep your chin up “ comments from well-meaning souls who have no idea of the life a full-time caregiver lives.

The most valuable and important gift you could give to yourself, yes you do still matter, and those around you is BALANCE. Here are a few tips that may help you to find a little balance to make sure YOU do not lose yourself looking after everyone else.

“Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.”

I love that exert from the Desiderata, a piece by Max Ehrmann. Fatigue and loneliness and self-neglect will lead you to burn out and resentment. Be kind to yourself and make TIME to connect and breathe and remember that it is okay to ask for help.

A few tips that may help you find some balance and some YOU back.

1. How wonderful it is to live in a digital age where can connect with friends and family on social media. If you are housebound with your loved one take some time and pop onto Facebook when they are resting. Connect with some old friends. Pinterest is another tool that allows to explore, create and share things you love and are interested in.
2. Join online communities and groups. It is so healing and refreshing to connect and get support from people in the same situation as yourself. They are also not regulated by normal working hours and you may find your only time is late at night. It is important to have a place to go where you could vent or ask questions that your family or friends may be tired of hearing about just plain out not have an answer.
3. Arrange time for friends and family to come to you for get-togethers or even tea and cake. If you are unable to get out to connect with friends and family, arrange for them to come to you. Ask them to bring the cake and you make the tea. You don’t want to create more work for yourself and friends will understand and willing arrive with goodies. You will find as much as you miss connecting with them they will be missing you too. Make the arrangements.
4. Ask for help and take some time for yourself. Get out of the house, make a lunch date with an old friend. Go to a movie and if no one is available to take yourself to coffee. Start a conversation with someone new. Sometimes being so isolated, one loses confidence about interacting with people. Ask for someone to give you a day off. Hire a caregiver for the day or be proactive in making sure at least once a month or a week you allow yourself time to be you. Join an Art Class, Gym class, yoga. Make those appointments and arrangements a regular thing and this will help to bring some balance back into your life.
5. The part we all hate to hear when fully emerged into one of the hardest of days! Try to be positive. Read positive things. Keep a journal each day and write only positive, even if it is the smallest of things, moments that happened that day. If you can get outside for a moment. Breathe in some fresh air, and whisper to yourself that you do matter and that after the darkness there is always light.

How blessed your loved one, your child, family member is to have you. Always remember to be kind to yourself. You cannot be what they need if you neglect your soul’s needs. Balance is everything. You matter too.